Need an excuse after a bachelor party(like we plan), birthday party, or night out with friends? For those moments between "Oh @#$&" and "Where the hell have you been?" our excuse generators below will help you find a way out of life's sticky situations.

Our operators are standing by to provide you with plausible, real-time sources of bulletproof excuse material via Google News. Put in a location then choose a topic and reap the rewards. Now you can craft an excuse around a real event.

This is a terrible way to craft an excuse. Don't do it. We highly advise you try something else.... but if you can't think of a great excuse or are north of the legal limit, by all means fill the blanks below.

We've written a few ourselves, stolen a few, and had a few donated by upstanding members of the blogosphere like The Man Registry, Mr Frostings, Broke-Ass Hubby, and God. It's like a fortune cookie for excuses... press the button and let the universe deliver the perfect excuse.

Disclaimer: In the event you actually use these excuses. Don't. Seriously, man up and tell the truth because any loving girlfriend knows there are aliens out there and they always pick-off the drunk guy.